Jokes

Jokes from Ivan's blog. HAHAHAHA. really funny(:


THIS IS REALLY FUNNY!

Presenter : Good morning. This is Power 98 & do you want to play a game?
Contestant : Yeah, why not.

Presenter : Good. It is a simple game. When I say something you have to give an answer that is opposite to what I have said. For eg. when I say Sharp, you have to answer Blunt. OK?
Contestant : OK.

Presenter : Sun
Contestant : Moon.

Presenter : Black
Contestant : White.

Presenter : Tall
Contestant : Short.

Presenter : Dog
Contestant : Cat.

Presenter : Man
Contestant : Woman

Presenter : Cock
Contestant : CHIBAI !!!

RADIO SILENCE !!!!!!

Presenter : These things sometimes happen and we are on air live. Let's take a commercial break here.

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A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her
arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month
overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a
test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell,
because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs.
Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric
company.

"What are you saying? It's in your files?????"

"Absolutely."

"Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight."

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a
bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next
morning.

"What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month
overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.

"Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you
have to do is pay us."

"PAY you? and if I refuse?"

"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."

"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.

"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

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You are in trouble
An evil Atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself "Oh God, I'm screwed!!!!!."

There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."

So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief.

As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, Gods voice booms out again: "Okay ..... NOW you're screwed."

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Chu Kang ( PCK ) explaining sex to Chu Beng's son, Aloysius ..................

Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ?

PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjoyable becaws, same like when you dig your nose with your finger mah !

Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men?

PCK : Of course woman lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel better than your finger, right ?

Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped ?

PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over and dig your nose, you like or not ? Ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah

Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses?

PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow ah ! blain, use your blainnn ..........

Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making love ?

PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove on your finger or not ? Not the same shiok feeling mah. Corlight or not?

Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private ?

PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your blainnnnn . you go and dig your nose in flont of your whole class izit ?? Stupid lah!!

Aloy : Wah ...... Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good.

PCK : Aiyah ...... best in Singapore and JB, and some say Batam also ah !!!